“Everybody agrees we need to shame straight women for reading queer fanfiction, but–”
No. No, we literally do not need to do that. It helps no one, homophobes don’t care, people exploring their sexualities and genders will retreat back into the closet, queer people will be pressured to out themselves, there is no version of this that doesn’t do massive disproportionate splash damage to queer and questioning people, and moreover it hurts literally no one to let straight people read and/or fap to smutty queer fanfic in peace as long as they aren’t shits to actual queer people.
Just stop, for the love of Christ.
how does it normalize queerness to say that stories with straight characters are for everyone but stories with queer characters are only for queer people and couldn’t possibly be enjoyed by anyone else?
230626 weareoneEXO: EXO 'Hear Me Out' Teaser Image #SUHO
【EXO The 7th Album 'EXIST'】
➫ 2023.07.10 6PM (KST)
the boys are back in town
Jeff Satur talking about his beliefs, his lockscreen and what he would say to his younger self - The Standard Pop Part 8 - with subs
-Back on the Beat-
Part3. 01
October 29th, 7:32pm
Porchay is lying sideways on his bed, scrolling through spotify and trying not to think about Kim. His curtains are wide open and he looks up occasionally to gaze out at the city lights.
He’s been living at the Theerapanyakul compound for almost five months now, and he still feels out of place and uncomfortable most of the time he’s here.
He wishes he could go back to his family home.
He wishes he could go back to a year ago, when things were simpler and he shared meals with his brother, instead of eating alone in his room. Porsche is so busy these days, they only get to catch up in person once a week at most.
But if they could go back, that would mean Porsche wouldn’t have Kinn.
Would Porsche be just as happy had he never met Kinn? If they had never met, surely Porsche would fall in love with someone else and be just as happy. Porchay is a romantic through and through, but he’s never really been one to believe in the concept of a “one true love.”
His chest tightens.
Would his own love life be easier if he had never met Kim?
If Kim had just remained a pretty face on his phone screen, the local celebrity Porchay looked up to and admired, would Porchay have eventually met someone else?
He’s had plenty of crushes before, and he’s always been so ready and so quick to fall into love.
Maybe he could have met someone at university, and they could have had a slow and sweet romance.
Porchay sighs.
He doesn’t know what he’s doing.
He told himself he would leave things up to Kim, and yet here he is, messaging Kim most days and even asking him up to his room.
He’s so weak willed.
Kim had spent almost four hours in Porchay’s rooms the other day when Porchay had invited him up after family dinner. They had finished his shitpost for tiktok, and then spent half an hour looking through his saved videos together, until one of them reminded Kim about a situation he had been in at the shopping centre a year prior, and then they ended up talking for the next two hours, bouncing from topic to topic.
It felt a lot like how it used to be, before everything happened. How things were when Porchay felt like he was floating on air, getting to spend time with Kim and getting to know him, and falling more and more in love with him every minute they spent together. When he thought, just maybe, Kim might hold similar feelings for him.
They hadn’t even talked about what happened between them. Porchay didn’t even remember they hadn’t talked about it until an hour after Kim left.
Porchay doesn’t even know how much he wants to talk about it anymore.
He thinks he understands a little better, after all these months, where Kim might have been coming from.
If he lets himself believe that the Kim he got to know was real, and that Kim does feel the same way he does, he can reason why things happened the way they did and why Kim broke it off with him when he did.
If he lets himself believe Kim holds feelings for him, almost everything between them up until this point would make sense.
The confession, the heartbreak, the constant attempts to contact him again.
Yok’s bar.
The video he can’t stop watching.
The messages they’ve been exchanging.
But Porchay doesn’t want to get his hopes up and risk his heart breaking again. Just because things make sense if he thinks about them one way, it doesn’t meant they don’t also make sense in another way.
But he can’t seem to help himself when it comes to Kim.
He’s still so in love with him.
He wants to talk to him all the time. He wants to see his face all the time. He wants Kim to keep sending him stupid memes, and pictures of his new cat, and links to things he thinks Porchay might like.
He wants to show Kim his garden bed, and cook him dinner, and tell him about all the things he’s learnt in the medical bay.
He wants to play music with him again.
Porchay clicks to his favourites playlist on Spotify.
He hovers over one of the songs he recently added.
It’s an older American song. When he first heard it, he immediately thought it was the sort of broody song with interesting hooks and a great melody that Kim would adore.
He hesitates.
Fuck it, he thinks, and sends the link to Kim.
Chay laughs out loud.
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i’ve seen a vast number of redditors-turned-tumblrs on here express this exact realization:
“i can say whatever i want on here and i don’t have to deal with a bunch of assholes downvoting me! i can like/do/be whatever i want on my own personal blog!”
and like. idk man. it’s so cool that people are discovering this for themselves and finding joy, but it’s also frustrating to me because this is how the internet should be. ppl expressing themselves.
it also feels like ppl have shit-talked/heard bad things about this site for so long that they are genuinely surprised when tumblr is fun to use.
genuinely if any social media you are using is making you feel bad, stop using it. this should be fun.
I mean I think people should curate their own fandom experience and whatnot and it's perfectly fair to just avoid things one is uncomfortable with...
That being said. From personal experience? Immunizing myself to all my discomforts by browsing through pixiv and kink memes with raised eyebrows while searching for things I am interested in back when tagging was non-existent has really made my fandom experience much more pleasant nowadays.
I have preferences, for sure. But I have no fear. I have no cringe. The filthiest, grossest fanwork holds no powers over me. I am a god.
Like honestly dl;dr and block on sight is respectable and all but I genuinely think everyone could just benefit from purposefully exposing yourself to your nOTP and non-triggering squicks sometimes? (And obviously don't go bother the creators for it.) If only so that it makes it easier/safer to search for content you like without living in fear of accidentally glimpsing something you hate and having that ruin your day.
Training oneself to be comfortable with mild discomfort is a highly under-rated skill in this day and age
I think its interesting that "desensitized" is a dirty word now. Like...when I did my therapy, being desensitized was the GOAL. It was the fucking dream.
But also, desensitization essentially gives you the agency to say, "okay so that felt bad, now I can either put it away, really explore and understand what that discomfort is trying to tell me, or discard it." Idk...some of yall are so fucking distressed all the time and you call it "being normal" or "being a decent human being" but...it isn't normal to be distressed all the time. It isn't decent to be distressed all the time. And like...I have disords and chemical shit going on in my brain but if you don't have all that....I think you need to look at your distress and ask why it is actually enduring and who benefits from you being distressed (lessons from a pre-bush era american).
Silence in the Library
DOCTOR WHO
-Back on the Beat-
Part 2. 06
October 26th, 5:39pm
Kim is feeling… unsettled.
If he didn’t know better, he would say he was nervous. Except Kim does know better and he doesn’t get nervous.
He’s frustrated because he can’t figure out what to wear, and he’s changed his outfit four times now.
But he isn’t nervous.
Jimbo, Kim’s cat, intermittently walks into the bedroom, only to walk back out again a few minutes later. As if he wants to be in there with Kim, but the tension is too much for him to stay long.
Kim sighs.
Tonight is family dinner night. It’s a new weekly tradition Kinn and Porsche are trying to make happen, and tonight will be the third night they hold it. For Kim, it will be his first night attending. He doesn’t mind spending time with Khun, but Kim doesn’t get along too well with Kinn, and he’s hardly exchanged more than two words with Porsche. His father will also be there, which is never an appealing situation.
Normally, Kim would avoid such an event and ignore Khun’s hassling until his attendance is given up on.
Except Porchay asked Kim to come.
Kim thinks he would go through far more grueling activities than family dinner in order to spend time with Porchay.
And… this will be the first time since they broke up that Kim and Porchay will be spending an extended period of time in the same room together.
They might even get a chance to talk.
…
Maybe Kim is a little nervous.
But only to see Porchay.
They’ve been texting most days recently. The topics they talk about vary a lot, and Porchay is usually the one to initiate the conversation. He also asks for pictures of Kim’s cat on a regular basis, and Kim has taken to bringing his phone with him around the house so he can snap pictures of Jimbo for the next time Porchay asks for them.
Kim looks down at the leather jacket in his hands and holds back a smile.
…
He really needs to get going though, or he will be late.
Well… later than he already is anyway.
Kim throws on the first outfit he tried 45 minutes ago, checks himself in the mirror for another ten minutes, gives Jimbo a scratch under his chin and leaves his apartment. He’s now running almost 25 minutes late for dinner.
Kim arrives at the compound dining room just as the staff are putting food on the table. Kinn and Porsche both look surprised to see him, but Kim ignores them in favour or looking at Porchay. They lock eyes, and Porchay smiles gently at Kim.
Kim’s heart soars.
“It’s not nice to be tardy, little brother!” Tankhhun remarks haughtily, pulling Kim’s attention away from Porchay. If Kim didn’t know Khun so well, he would miss the pleased look that Khun is trying to hide in favour of his fake exasperation.
“Hush, Tankhun,” Korn says “it’s lovely for you to join us, Kim. What a pleasant surprise!” Korn looks every bit the pleased, loving father he pretends to be on the outside. Kim sends him his most charming smile.
“I happened to be in the area, thought I should stop by at least once.” Tankhun huffs at his excuse, but he still looks pleased as he begins sorting through the food on the table.
Kinn doesn’t say anything, but he does have a hint of a smile on his face as he follows Khun’s lead with the food.
Perhaps tonight won’t be such a struggle after all.
The staff bring out an extra table setting for Kim, and he begins serving himself some rice.
The conversation at the table kicks off when Porsche turns to Porchay and asks him about the garden bed he’s been cultivating under the watchful eye of the family’s gardener. Kim makes a mental note to ask Porchay more about his flowers if they get a chance to talk and he needs something to fall back on.
Khun makes a comment about how delicious his food is, but how the pad kra pao could have been better. Kim silently agrees, but only because his pad kra pao is one of the best things he cooks. He was taught how to make it by their previous head chef when he was fourteen, and he perfected it when he moved out. Ever since that chef retired, the dish cooked by anyone else has never managed to please the table, and it’s almost guaranteed that Khun will comment on it.
Just as Kim is starting to think family dinner isn’t so bad after all, Korn turns to Kinn and Porsche and begins to talk business.
Which of course means various metaphors instead of actually talking directly, even though everyone at the table knows exactly what is being discussed.
“Kinn, how did the meeting go last week? Did you sort out the issue with the bread?”
“Yes pa. The bread is running through the clubs with our regular bakers once more. There was a slight disagreement regarding the ingredients used but it has now been sorted out.”
“Wonderful news. Well done. I knew you could handle the situation,” Korn remarks jovily. Kim internally rolls his eyes. He would bet good money the issue was actually caused by Korn’s own devices as some way of testing Kinn.
Kim’s phone buzzes in his pocket, and he turns away from the conversation to fish it out.
Kim’s hand flies up to his mouth, but he’s not nearly quick enough to stifle the loud snort-laugh he lets out at Porchay’s message.
The table goes quiet as everyone turns to look at Kim in surprise, Porchay looking at him in delight, though he’s trying to hide it. It’s not working.
“Sorry,” Kim explains, “I ate too quickly.” His face feels like it’s burning, and he keeps his head down as he fishes a piece of tofu off his place.
The conversation resumes, but Kim is no longer paying it any attention.
How fucking embarrassing.
Kim looks up at Porchay, who is already watching him with a pleased smile. They lock eyes for a moment before Kim feels like he needs to look away once more, unsure how to handle the soft look on Porchay’s face.
Dinner passes without further incident, Khun asks Kim a few things about his music and demands photos of Jimbo and Kim makes a mental note to send Khun a few of the pictures he’s been taking for Porchay.
The night winds down and eventually Korn retires for the evening. Kinn and Porsche have been giving each other bedroom eyes for the past half hour, and excuse themselves shortly after.
Tankhun looks to Kim like he’s about to say something, but changes his mind and excuses himself with a swish of his long cloak and a request for Kim to join them next time.
Kim doesn’t think he can handle another family dinner.
He’s standing up to leave when Porchay speaks up. He’s still sitting at the table, picking at the edge with his fingers.
“It’s good you could come. They always serve too much food and I feel awful leaving it on the table.”
“Don’t. The staff eat any leftovers so it doesn’t go to waste.”
“Ah.” Porchay looks down at the table, fiddling with his thumbs. The suspended silence is awkward, but Kim still hesitates to leave.
Just as he decides he should probably go, Porchay speaks again.
“Hey, are you busy after this?” he asks.
“Mm no, I was just going to head back home and do some work.”
“Oh… are you working on new music?”
“Maybe. Not sure if this one is going anywhere yet though.” Kim shuffles his feet. He’s not sure what to do with his hands, and tucks them away in his pockets.
“Well…” Porchay pauses, as if unsure of his next words, “um, if you’re free for a little while, can you come upstairs with me?”
Kim’s brain short circuits. What?
Porchay continues quickly, “I’m fine tuning my latest shit post and I could use your critical eye.”
Kim doesn’t know what to say. Porchay fiddles with his fingers some more, looking down at the table top and back up at Kim, and then looks away again.
"Yeah,” Kim eventually finds his voice “Yeah of course. Lead the way.”
END OF PART 2
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thank you for showing us changkyun…
KINNPORSCHE ANNIVERSARY WEEK 4
Favourite romantic relationship: KimChay